I know I haven’t been on here in months… and I only have a handful of posts to my username… but that’s because I’ve just been busy with a million other things, and this blog has fallen by the wayside.
But now I have a bunch of shit to say, because I am totally fed up inside and I need to let it out. Here goes.
I love him, and I know he loves me. It’s never even been a question. We care so much that our love stretches across state borders - I’m currently living back in my hometown in Texas and he’s still living in Louisiana. And breaking up? Unimaginable. Not even at this distance. We’re going to work through this long-distance crap, and eventually live under the same roof once again.
BUT… he’s not only 28, living rent-free and is still shit broke, he can’t find a job and he can’t renew his driver’s license until he pays off $1,200 in traffic tickets. I’m not going to say this situation isn’t his fault - because it totally is - but it’s not his fault now that no one is hiring. And I know he’s tried. Before I moved back home, I went with him on his job hunts.
Why am I telling you all of the bullshit my boyfriend is dealing with? Why do I have to spew this out?
Because I want to marry him, that’s why.
Go ahead, cluck your tongues and shake your head. I know how crazy that sounds. He’ll ruin my finances. We’ll never get out of a financial hole. We’ll be homeless within six months. I can hear all of these things in my head.
But I still love him, still want him, still care so much.
Of course, he’s not proposing anytime soon. He’s smart enough to know that THAT can’t happen anytime soon, not without a solid financial foundation. But you see… that’s the problem.
Because I want to at least get engaged NOW.
It could be a very long engagement. My best friend got engaged three years before her wedding. And so many of my other friends are doing it… Not that I have a fad mentality. (No, if everyone else jumped off a cliff, I wouldn’t… etc.) The thing is, the one thing I’ve always wanted to do with my life is get married and have a family. Ever since I was ten, I just wanted to have a husband and a baby. Some people’s passions in life are a career field. Mine is loving my favorite people.
So, to watch everyone else get to do what I’ve always longed to do… It frustrates me. Because I’ve FOUND my man. I love him, I’ll take care of him to the end of the earth. And he knows how I feel about this. Marriage is a commitment that I take seriously; for example, if we were married, I wouldn’t have moved back to Texas without him. My commitment would be with him, and “till death do us part.”
But we’re not married. So I moved, because I was sick of starving, and I figured it would be more useful to save up money while I was living at my parents’ house, instead of living paycheck to paycheck and getting nowhere.
I don’t even give a fuck if the ring is made of tin. Just let’s go ahead and make it official, dammit. All I’m asking is for you to promise that you’ll make a bigger promise (that you’ve been more or less telling me you’re gonna make someday ANYWAY) later.
